I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
