a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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