just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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