we have officially mastered the walk of shame
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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