I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
