Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
