I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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