So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize