You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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