My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I had to cum in my sink.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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