I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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