if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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