im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
