My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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