She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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