He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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