I smell stomach acid.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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