Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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