hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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