You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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