The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
