Joe is yelling at the trees again.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
