they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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