I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Sorry my hands just texted you
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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