He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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