Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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