Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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