If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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