On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
