If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize