I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
This baby is an asshole
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize