hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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