Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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