Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
