Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize