I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
