Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
