I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
