you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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