I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
