my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
