So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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