All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
