He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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