If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize