He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
