She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize