I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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