Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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