Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
