he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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