yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
