Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
