nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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