No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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