I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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