mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize