she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
