This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
