YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
