No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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