Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
