You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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