he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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