never play flip cup with pint glasses
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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