If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize