You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
