We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
