Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
