Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Randomize
