she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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