I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
