Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
