I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
