i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I think people are normalizing furries
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
