We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
